A bruised ego ranting

Dear reader something shocking and amusing happened yesterday. You see, a lady friend of mine received a Facebook message from some guy. Before I speak any further, here is the message in it’s unedited form:

“Who do you think you are, you feel like a big girl but your bombom is like puffpuff, I have sent you message since September 2015 and all you can say is ” Hi” , you think you are fine, but I will disappoint you and tell you that you are ugly, at your age you are not married and you are happy about it.
Look at your mammy water face ,you have a spiritual husband that is why no man can wait for so long.
You don’t know me Madonna, you think you are a big girl but you don’t know I live in Banana island and I am just trying to be humble by messaging you, but like most Nigerian girls you form shakara and loose your blessings “. I will block you Madonna , you are a lesson to all those girls who form on Facebook, now am gone how many banana island person do you have on your list, Ashawo.”

After reading it I was just like:

Its like that
It’s like that?!!!

And I decided to do a little breakdown of the above rant. For all my non-Nigerian readers, the unfamiliar terms will be explained. So here we go 😀
“Who do you think you are, you feel like a big girl but your bombom (butt) is like puffpuff (a small, spongy, delicious West African snack), I have sent you message since September 2015 and all you can say is ” Hi” , you think you are fine, but I will disappoint you and tell you that you are ugly, at your age you are not married and you are happy about it.

Now what we have here is a case of a man feeling “small”. Why does he feel small you ask? He feels small because a lady did not give him the attention he thinks he deserves. In his thinking, he considers a lady not paying him mind as a slight to his person and seeking “retribution” he resorts to trying (and failing woefully as you will soon see) to attack the lady’s self esteem and “cut her down to size”. He calls her ugly, berates her for being unmarried ( Is being single a disease?), diagnoses her with a spirit husband problem ( look up incubus on Google) and compares her butt to puff puff

PRINCE SHOCK
Wait who calls someone else’s butt “puff puff”?

Look at your mammy water face ,you have a spiritual husband that is why no man can wait for so long.

The amusing thing about his rant is that his insults get mighty inconsistent. At one point he calls her “ugly” and then later describes her face as being like that of a “mammy water” (mermaid)

bruh

Anyway moving on…

You don’t know me Madonna, you think you are a big girl but you don’t know I live in Banana island and I am just trying to be humble by messaging you, but like most Nigerian girls you form shakara and loose (poor spelling right here) your blessings “.

Then the guy switches tactics and begins to “hype” himself. He says he lives in Banana island (it’s a place very rich people live in Lagos Nigeria but as a friend of mine pointed out, even live-in servants stay in Banana Island) and says that he is just “trying to be humble” by sending her a message but due to her shakara (showing off) she has lost her “blessings”.

reallly nigga

All the above is purely an attempt (a failed one too) to make himself feel better about his perceived rejection. He tries on frenziedly to convince himself that he is actually “better” than her (He lives in Mango ville after all. HOW DARE SHE?!) and she is not all that. She has a puff puff butt after all

carlton
Puff Puff butt. Sounds better everytime I say it

I will block you Madonna , you are a lesson to all those girls who form on Facebook, now am gone how many banana island person do you have on your list, Ashawo.”

And finally having assumed the seat of judge and jury, he declares he will block her and that her friends list will never have another like him and finally departs with one more insult. Ashawo (Prostitute)

Sigh…

Dear reader what you see above is simply a bruised ego ranting and why won’t the ego be bruised? When a person believes that he/she is entitled to the attention of another. When he/she believes that their worth and standing as a man (or woman) is tied to the “yes” of another. To live in such a way is to hook oneself to a lot of pain. Pain which can lead to some embarrassing actions on your part. (Read the above rant again if you do not believe me).

Look darling there are many overwhelmingly attractive people we will all meet who we would love to notice us. Some of them will do so and others will not (It is not death, that’s just life) You are not entitled to anyone’s attention and no one is obligated to give it to you. A person not giving you attention does not make you any less. Think on that.

And for every lady (and guy) who has been at the receiving end of some bruised ego, pay them no mind. It is all a case of sour grapes. You are fabulous. You in all your glory with your “puff puff” butt. (Puff puff butt. I swear there is a song in there)

jason
You know what to do with that “Puff Puff butt!” EAT IT! EAT IT! EAT IT!

Oh and by the way please note that this is in no way me “rescuing” the lady in question. She is more than capable of taking care of herself and she showed this with her epic clap back at the above rant:

“Banana man peel your self from my list”

damn

shock 2
Hello from the other siiiiiiiiiiiiide!
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4 thoughts on “A bruised ego ranting

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