After this morning’s meditation, I found myself thinking about rejection. I actually wrote on this last year (You can find it here) but I have decided to re-visit this topic again and go a little further.
Rejection in today’s circles is views as a nasty nasty boogeyman. A terrifying specter that we tend respond to in three ways:
1. Avoiding to the uttermost: Some do this by saying “no” to everyone. They keep people at arms length and eschew all intimacy. Others attempt to avoid rejection by always saying “yes” to everyone so as to ensure that others always say “yes” to them. Apart from both leading to a life of a misery, neither method works.
2. Denying it: You’ve probably heard the phrase “It is not a rejection, it is a DIRECTION!” now as much as there is a lot of benefit in finding the direction in every rejection, I personally feel that denying that a rejection took place, is simply another way of avoiding what we see as some nasty thing. The underlying belief remains the same
3. Letting it define us: This is probably the worst thing that can happen. When a person experiences rejection and believes “This rejection means I am worthless, loathsome and without a shred of value”, this leads to a life of self hate, despair and can even escalate to lashing out at others
Dear reader, I have come to believe that rejection is NOT the ghoul we have believed it to be. I actually see it now as a normal part of life. Every day we not only experience rejection, we dish it out too. We say “yes” to one thing and “no” to another. We say “yes” to one offer and “no” to another and so on. Rejection is a a part of life that cannot (and should not) be avoided. What is crucial is how we handle it. I now see every rejection as an opportunity to grow, to make progress and get better. There are two ways that this can happen:
1. Persistent self love and acceptance: As I stated previously, some people react to rejection by letting it define them. We see the “no” of that lady we asked out as meaning we are ugly. We see being passed over for that job as meaning we are “worthless” and this utterly wrecks us. Whenever you experience some rejection, use that period to love and affirm yourself, your worth and value. This could look like taking time out to speak to yourself and to tell yourself that you are able, you are strong and you are beautiful. External rejection in any form should never be a basis for self rejection:
2. Looking for the lessons in every rejection: We are rejected for a lot of reasons but in beyond every “no” is an opportunity to grow. When we stay in a place on self love, even in the midst of rejection, we are then able to ask questions and process what happened and why. We might see then that the reason we were passed over for that job is because our resume is an absolute eye sore (shameless plug: I offer services on resume editing. Contact me :D) or we might find out that we weren’t just what they wanted. We might see that our manner of approaching that lady or guy we like is a positive turn off
When we spot the lessons, we are now in a better position to get better and do better. Please note, realizing your shortcomings in one area or another does not mean you are an incompetent buffoon. It means you are learning. It means you are human.
Dear reader, rejection will happen and it will happen to you. It is normal and it is nothing to be avoided. Within it is an opportunity to become a better you. So when it comes, use it.
Bless you and have a great weekend 😀