A few days ago I was reminded of the fable of the fox that spotted a bunch of delicious looking grapes on a tree. The fox did everything he could (and couldn’t) but all his efforts to reach the grapes came to naught. Eventually he gave up and “consoled” himself by reasoning that the grapes were probably sour and not worth his time anyway.
Why did this fable come to mind?
Well as it happens I have seen this particular fable play out in reality over and over. Picture for example a lady who gets an inbox message from a guy. The guy with gushing praise and flattery desires to get the ladies attention and asks they “become friends”. The lady is not interested but the guy persists and when he keeps running into a brick wall, his praise and flattery changes into scathing remarks about how the lady is “proud”, “arrogant”, “ugly” etc. I’ve seen this play out over and over again and I’ve often wondered the root of it all.
Why is it that we feel the need to rubbish what we are unable to “attain”?
Why do we feel the need to smear what is out of our reach?
Having puzzled on it for awhile, I have developed a theory and it goes thus:
We see something that we subconsciously consider to be vital to our sense of self and worth. Something (or someone) that is lacking in our lives. From this place of lack we try to attain or “acquire” this thing (or person) believing on a deeper level that by doing so, we will find the hole filled and finally attain that state of beauty, peace or security. When we find ourselves unable to attain the thing, we find our inner world thrown out of balance and pain arises (usually in the form of shame) and in order to find salve the pain, one of the reactions is to lash out and try to “bring down” the very thing we desire so. We try and convince ourselves that that thing (or person) is actually undesirable, worthless and not worth it. All this is done in an effort to salve the pain we feel within.
This I believe is one of the reasons someone will talk smack about a person he or she knows nothing about. That person is a niggling reminder of their perceived lack.
This is I believe is one of the reasons a person will vilify a particular position and paint it as worthless, evil and more. Deep within, he or she would love to occupy that seat but feeling him/herself unable to, finds consolation in painting it black.
Dear reader a lot of he time (if not all of it ) the hateful comments people (or perhaps you) is simply them (or you) giving flesh to pain (and not in a good way)
Does it have to be like this? I don’t believe so
I believe the above is a symptom of looking on the outside for what can only be found within. When we consider ourselves as lacking and we start looking to people and things to fill up that lack, we open ourselves to acting this way and I believe the first step out of this is to ask ourselves questions and be brutally honest:
Why do I feel the need to vilify this person?
Why do I say these things about this position or place?
If we are honest with ourselves we might see that the hate we spew is our way of consoling ourselves over our imagined lack and incapability.
So are you hating on someone or something? Please understand that no amount of pain you cause another can heal your own. That person, place or thing cannot make you whole. You are already whole, already complete and utterly beautiful. Your life is not in competition with another. It is because you don’t see this, that is why you say the things you do. Look within and find peace.
Are you being hated on? Don’t sweat it, keep doing you and living your life. The hate is their issue to work through and not yours.
Have a great week 🙂