You Are Loved Only If…

There is a belief that has made it’s home in many a psyche. It isn’t usually articulated but if it were ever spoken, it would probably sound like this:

“You are loved only if…”

What lies on the other side of the “only if” tends to vary from person to person. In one person it is “only if HE says he loves you”, ย in another it is “only if THEY acknowledge you”, and in another “only if SHE wants to be with you”

And it goes on and on and on

Where did this lie originate from? That I cannot say but I can from my own experience describe what it does to us.

The “You are loved only if” belief places Love as something that is outside of us, separate from us and declares us empty and void. Human nature abhors emptiness and we start seeking. We seek the attention of others, we seek the yes of a particular person, group or community. We seek to attain a certain “desirable” standard all because we believe that “Love” lies there. The fruit of this lie ranges from anxiety and fear (over “losing” the “love” we have “attained”), envy (even as we compare ourselves to others who appear to be “loved more”), despair (when we find ourselves unable to attain the “standard” needed to get that person’s “yes”) and disappointment (even when we attain the required standards and image, we find ourselves tasting sawdust)

I do not know about you dear reader but I know this belief very well. I know it is one of the reasons a person will hold unto a doomed relationship because they fear “Love’s departure” if it were to end. I know it’s a reason someone will labor to fulfill the stringent expectations of another while totally ignoring their own heart desires. I know it’s a reason why some people cannot bear to be alone and just must be in a relationship. I know. I know also that this belief is largely normal state and just the way things are but you know what?

Screw that

I have decided to live my life by a whole new frequency. I have decided to do this:


I am loved. Not later, not when I have attained some certain things. I. AM. LOVED. NOW. As far as I can see, Love is not something that is separate from me and is not some pot of gold at the end of someone’s freaking rainbow. Love is here and now. Love is my (and your) present state. There is a verse in the bible and it goes thus:

“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 9:38)

Think about that.

We have been trained to see “Being Loved” as something that lies outside of us, so how about a change of thought? See yourself as Loved right now, right here. Declare yourself as Loved right now, right here. Say to yourself “I am loved, I am valuable, I am worthy”. In simple speak, re-train your mind to see and embrace the Love that has never been separate from you (no matter your situation or present condition).

This re-training is not a one day thing. It is a journey. It is a journey I have begun and I can tell you despite the challenges (and there are many) is worth every step.ย Care to join me?



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