“I want someone who will make me happy and give me peace of mind”
“I need someone who will bring out the best in me”
“I desire someone who will complete me and make me feel beautiful”
Do these sound familiar?
I have been thinking and I am of the opinion that thoughts like these birth a lot of dysfunction in our relationships. How so? Allow me to share my thoughts then. Please note that these are purely my thoughts and are not in any way all-encompassing. So if what I share resonates hold it close and if it does not, feel free to act like you belong to a political party and just heard an unfavorable result in the polls and go:
I am of the opinion that the above statements usually come from a place of lack. The “Light” we do not see in ourselves, we end up looking for in places, things and (in this case) people and when two people operating from mindsets of lack come together, they look to their partners to “fill” these “gaps” in themselves. These expectations inevitably fail time and time again as no single individual was designed to bear it. Disappointment, resentment, blaming and more ensue.
Also when we consider ourselves as being in darkness (lacking in any way), and seek the “Light” of others, we open ourselves to torments. For example:
Despair. When no one’s “light” seems pointed in your direction.
Envy: When the desired “light” is directed at everyone except you.
Fear. The thought of losing the “light” we currently find solace in needles us constantly.
Regret. When we find ourselves no longer enjoying “light” from others like we once did.
Dear reader. This is hell.
So how do we put an end to such suffering? I believe that the solution is to look within and see the truth. That we are not broken, desolate or lacking in any way. That the glory and light we have searched for on the outside is WHO WE ARE and that no other person is responsible for our wholeness. I think when we see ourselves as whole, we will see our loved ones in the same way and no longer (subconsciously) see them as means to an end but as people to love.
Someone once said that a relationship is not two people seeking happiness in each other but two people sharing their happiness with each other. I agree.