Have you ever had this happen to you? You have a thought, a vision, an idea, then you share it excitedly with your loved ones (Family, friends etc) and not only do they not buy the idea, they show no sign of supporting or even encouraging it. How did that make you feel? I don’t know about you but in my feelings tend to run the gamut of disappointment, irritation and even anger. Of recent though I have been thinking and I have come to some helpful realizations that I want to share with you. Please note that these are purely my views on the issue and are not all encompassing. Do think about it and if they resonate hold them close and if not drop like them like a bad habit 🙂
I looked within of recent and I have traced the roots of the pain that I felt when my thoughts and perspectives were “rejected” by loved ones to two things. Fear and Expectation. Let’s examine each one shall we?
Fear. Fear that unless the idea, thought and vision is well received by those close to us (especially parents) that it will not come to pass. This leads to us (almost obsessively) searching for someone that will buy our idea, affirm our thoughts and give us reason to believe that it will work out and when such isn’t forthcoming, we find pain. Pain which usually results in lashing out at those that we care about. But consider these questions:
Does the rejection of our perspective by others annul what We see?
Does the fact that those close to us don’t believe in what we believe make it of none effect?
My answer to both questions is NO. The only person who occupies my energy space in life is ME and the only person that needs to “see” my idea fulfilled for it to be is ME. The acceptance of my vision by my loved ones is welcome but NOT NEEDED for its fulfillment. My vision is at the mercy of no one else but ME.
Expectation. We have a vision and we have family and friends and we surmise that our family and friends OUGHT to see things like we do. We expect them to get excited and fired up and when they don’t, the disappointment can be crippling and we find ourselves speaking words like:
“Of all people I thought YOU would understand!!”
” Why can’t YOU see this?!!!”
And what follows is usually us tagging our loved ones as “stupid” (or any other derogatory term) for not seeing what we see and we can end up cutting them out of our lives. But here is another question?
“Is it not unfair to expect another unique individual (no matter who that person is) with his/her own unique world view and context of thinking to (with a certainty) SEE what we see?”
My answer to the question above is NO. My loved ones (no matter how close)are their own people and thus i cannot EXPECT them to understand me utterly and accept my way of thinking. If they happen to do so, their acceptance is welcome but NOT NEEDED. The only person who needs to see what i see is ME.
Remember Jesus when He asked His disciples “Who do men say that I am”? and they gave Him several responses and then He asked “Who do YOU say that I am?” I believe that what others say about your dreams, vision and so on is not needed for your personal joy and peace. Your dreams ache for only one person’s approval. Yours.